for most of my life, i carried my jewish identity quietly. it was something i knew was there, even when i did not know what to do with it. in recent years, i have learned that identity does not need permission to exist, even when the world makes it complicated to claim.

autism doesn’t always look the way people expect. for me, it shows up in routines, challenges, and small comforts that keep life steady. over time, I’ve learned how masking, sensitivity, and self-acceptance shape my everyday life and how being on the spectrum has become part of who I am.

i’ve spent much of my life fading away, whether it was quietly leaving rooms, letting texts go unanswered, or watching connections dissolve before they began. this piece reflects on that pattern of disappearing, the weight it carries, and the small anchors that keep me tethered, like the presence of my cats.