vos.

autism doesn’t always look the way people expect. for me, it shows up in routines, challenges, and small comforts that keep life steady. over time, I’ve learned how masking, sensitivity, and self-acceptance shape my everyday life and how being on the spectrum has become part of who I am.

i’ve spent much of my life fading away, whether it was quietly leaving rooms, letting texts go unanswered, or watching connections dissolve before they began. this piece reflects on that pattern of disappearing, the weight it carries, and the small anchors that keep me tethered, like the presence of my cats.

“my version of lonely” explores my personal encounters with missed connections, changing friendships, and the quiet ways we cope when we’re not sure we truly belong.

some days, keeping up feels less like living and more like trying not to fall behind. emotional burnout can mean trying to stay functional and keep going when maintaining stability already feels exhausting.

a reflection on how unresolved pain can shape behavior, relationships, and the patterns we pass forward without excusing harm or losing sight of boundaries and change.